


Zaphod Beeblebrox Headcanons

by rockwell_psycho



Category: Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (2005)
Genre: Drabble, Drabble Collection, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Headcanon, Humor, Kissing, Reader-Insert, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-24
Updated: 2018-09-24
Packaged: 2019-07-16 13:25:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16087010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rockwell_psycho/pseuds/rockwell_psycho
Summary: So for some reason on tumblr I have a lot of headcanon requests for this character, so I decided to post them here too. I really enjoy writing this weirdo :DD For now there's 4 headcanons and one small drabble as a bonus... But may be continued...





	1. Zaphod Beeblebrox comforting you would include…

## 

**1.**  Him noticing that you are unusually quiet recently and don’t even laugh at his jokes.  _“What’s wrong baby? just tell me and I fix it, you know I can do it, I’m President of the Galaxy after all ;)”_

 **2.**  Him reminding you that you are actually on board such an amazing spaceship as Heart of Gold, and, which is more important, you are on board Heart of Gold with Zaphod Beeblebrox, President of the Galaxy himself! How can such a lucky girl be sad??

 **3.**  Him offering you any food or drink you want because really, what can cheer up better than good food and drinks?

 **4.** _“Oh! Maybe you want some Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster? I invented it, by the way. That might help… No?..”_

 **5.**   _“Okay, so if you don’t want any food or drinks, than… How about going on an adventure? Wanna have a ride to any planet you like and have fun there? No problem, love! Wanna steal another ship? Why not, baby, let’s do it! Just let me see this beautiful smile of yours!”_

 **6.**  Him winking and smiling at you with his most charming smile, hugging your waist and your shoulders, maybe even tickling and kissing you playfully until you give up and finally smile back at him :)

 **7.** _“…You sure you don’t want some Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster?..”_


	2. First kiss with Zaphod Beeblebrox would include…

## 

**1.** Him sitting next to you and telling you stories about his adventures using his sexiest intonations and smiling his most charming smiles.

 **2.**  Him moving closer and closer to you and touching you constantly while talking. 

 **3.**  Him placing his hand on your lower back and stroking a little before hugging your waist and pulling you closer to him.

 **4.**  His hand reaching your face and caressing your cheek.  _“You seem a little tense, baby, relax. I won’t bite… maybe”._

 **5.**  Him looking into your eyes, still stroking your cheek and smirking. 

**6.** _“Did anyone tell you that you have the most delicious lips in the Galaxy?..”_

**7.**  Him finally leaning in, his lips touching yours softly.

 **8.**  Him teasing you, tracing your lips with his tongue and kissing the corners of your mouth until you give in and part your lips, letting him deepen the kiss.

 **9.**  Your fingers running through his golden hair and him really enjoying it and kissing you even more eagerly, but still tenderly.

 **10.**  Him winking playfully at you after breaking the kiss, his eyes sparkling mischievously.

 **11.**  His thumb caressing your chin as he kisses the tip of your nose and chuckles.  _“So… Where were we… Do you wanna see my spaceship, babe? ;)”_


	3. Zaphod Beeblebrox constantly trying to seduce you would include…

## 

**1.**  Him constantly hanging somewhere around you. Literally every time you enter the room he’s instantly somewhere close to you.

 **2.**  Him always smiling and winking at you.

 **3.** Him also trying to touch you at any opportunity: hugging your waist or shoulders, kissing your hand. He may touch your arm or stroke your shoulder while talking to you. Also he may kiss your cheek playfully. If you feel like it’s too much of him in your personal space and you tell him to stop, he just looks at you with puppy eyes:  _“Oh baby, you’re just so pretty I couldn’t resist ;)”_

 **4.**  Him bringing you small and mostly useless gifts. This stuff can be so weird that cause you facepalm most of the time, but nevertheless you find it cute and you actually keep all his silly presents :D

 **5.**  It might happen that you’re at a party together. In that case of course he asks you to dance with him. Even if you try to protest at first, he keeps trying in his usual charming manner until eventually you give up. Him smirking at you and pulling you closer while dancing.

 **6.**   _“Hey girl, you look bored! Come on, let’s steal the coolest spaceship around here and go to any planet you want. It’ll be fun, I promise!”_

 **7.**  Him eventually asking you out to ** _[Milliways](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fhitchhikers.wikia.com%2Fwiki%2FMilliways&t=OTA0OTU1MGRiMzk2NTBlMjk1ODg3ZTc3YTYzYmRmMmRiMzFiZmJiMSw2YVBFR25GNA%3D%3D&b=t%3ANSOc7pg9HwCbcFadVEOwCg&p=http%3A%2F%2Flucy-sky.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F176913777755%2Fneed-some-cute-zaphod-so-here-my-request&m=1)_** ,also known asthe Restaurant at the End of the Universe) and you accept his invitation because frankly speaking, you’re curious. Time travelling and seeing the end of the world must be a thrilling experience, right?

 **8.**  In fact, yep, seeing the end of the Universe is really thrilling, all these explosions and stuff… The realization that it’s actually real, not some kind of special effects gives you chills and at some point you just can’t help but grab Zaphod’s arm. He totally loves your reaction :)

 **9.**  Him smiling contently, wrapping his arm around your shoulders and holding you tightly.  _“Don’t panic, baby, Zaphod Beeblebrox’s with you,”_  - he hushes with a familiar wink. And even though you’re normally not a fan of his cocky manner, you have to admit that right now his voice and his hugs feel really comforting, so you don’t really mind clinging to him at that moment.

 **10.**  Him suggesting some more quiet and romantic place afterwards.

 **11.**  Him being as cute and charming as possible. He holds your hand and looks you in the eyes, letting his fingers run through your hair affectionately. And oh hell… Do you really like this weirdo? Seems like you actually do…

 **12.**  …But the moment he finally leans in to kiss you, his second head suddenly pops up screaming excitedly:  _“Oh hey guys, what did I miss??”_ You freak out for a second and then burst out laughing as his one head looks so confused and the second one looks crazy and it’s hilarious xDD

 **13.**  Romantic moment is ruined and Zaphod looks totally pissed off, but he immediately brightens up when you say that it was one of the most incredible dates you’ve ever had and you enjoyed it a lot.

 **14.**   _“Well, darling… It’s only a small part of what I can do… just let me show…”_ *smirking*

 **15.**  He makes another attempt and finally kisses you passionately, and you give in melting into this kiss thinking that going out with Zaphod was actually a much better idea than you thought at first :)


	4. Fighting/arguing with Zaphod Beeblebrox would include...

## 

**1.**  Arguing with Zaphod Beeblebrox is totally  **NOT**  easy, because first of all - he really really REALLY loves himself and won’t ever admit that he’s not right. Even if you point out that his plan clearly failed and you got imprisoned/injured/your spaceship got stolen or broken/you got lost somewhere in the middle of the Galaxy/etc he would just smile smugly and say smth like  _“No worries, babe, it’s just a part of a plan!”_

 **2.**   _\- Okay, so if it’s the part of your “genius plan”, than you probably know how to get us out of this ~~shit~~  trouble, right?!_

_\- Of course I know that, darling!_

_\- Why the hell are you just sitting here doing nothing?_

_\- Because… It’s not the right time yet!_

_-… *eyeroll*_

**3.**  Another reason why it’s hard to argue with Zaphod is that he has two heads and both of them can argue very well. In fact, his second head can be too emotional at times, yell at you, or even say something offensive. Zaphod tries to calm it down, covers it with the scarf, smiles awkwardly at you:  _“okay, so… where were we?..”_

 **4.**  Actually Zaphod is not super touchy… Well, if you call him an idiot and tell him with all honesty everything that you think about his stupid plan, he would probably sulk at you  _(how could you be so rude with the president of the Galaxy??)_ , but he just cannot be gloomy, silent or mad at you for a long time, so very soon he starts talking to you as if nothing happened. But actually, you’d be glad if he shut up for at least a little while because you’re trying to concentrate on how to get you out of trouble and he’s not being too helpful.

 **5.**  Finally you have an idea! You tell Zaphod about it, and he’s like:  _“Oh yeah, that’s exactly what I planned!”_ You roll your eyes again, seriously thinking of punching him in the face.

 **6.**  So you successfully got out of whatever trouble you had and you’re both back at Heart of Gold safe and sound. But you’re still mad at Zaphod because you got into this because of him and it took you a lot of effort to actually save your asses. And when Ford asks you two:  _“Did everything turn out well?”_  and Zaphod says something like  _“Of course it turned out well, it couldn’t have been otherwise with my quick wit!”_  you feel that you’re completely pissed.

**7.** _\- Okay, you know what? I’m done! *turns around to leave*_

_\- Whoa, hey, honey, what’s wrong?_

_\- Oh you really don’t understand what’s wrong? Just… ughh, get lost, Zaphod! *leaves angrily*_

**8.**  After this fight Zaphod leaves you alone for a while, but only for a while. He really cannot stand you being mad at him. So at first he tries to approach you like nothing happened, smiling at you, trying to touch you, kiss your cheek or hug your shoulders, but you push him away and ignore him.

 **9.**   _\- Hey, honey, why don’t you stop being that grumpy?.. *puppy eyes*_

_\- Why don’t you admit that you acted like an arrogant prick, Zaphod?_

_\- I uhh… Did I?… *looks confused*_

_\- Yes, you did._

_\- Totally did, mate,_  - says Ford from the distance.

 **10.**  You go to bed that night still feeling really shitty. Suddenly you hear some noise behind the window. You turn to it and see… Really beautiful, amazing fireworks in the dark sky! And in between the flashes and sparkles you see some letters… that say “I’m sorry”. For a while you just stand there and can’t take your eyes of it. Then you head to the door, open it and… see Zaphod, of course :)

 **11.**  - _You know, it would be easier just to **say**  it to me._

 _\- Yeah, right… But you wouldn’t be that impressed,_  - he replies with a smirk.

_\- Well, I must admit it looks really impressive._

_\- So… You forgive me than, do you?.. *puppy eyes*_

He smiles at you and you just can’t help but smile back.

_\- Fine, I forgive you. But don’t you ever be such a dick again!.._

_\- Never,_  - he replies, hugging your waist and pulling you into a kiss.


	5. Fireworks and Kisses (bonus to previous headcanon)

\- You know, y/n… - Zaphod says thoughtfully. You’re lying on your bed, his arm wrapped around your shoulders and watch the fireworks in the sky. Zaphod overdid a little with special effects, so the fireworks seem to be neverending.

You give him a questioned look.

\- Despite I’m actually pretty gorgeous…

\- Hey. You’re walking on a veeery thin ice right now, starting a conversation like this, you get it?

\- Wait-wait, let me finish! You see, despite my obvious gorgeousness, I… realize I can be a bit hard to handle at times…

\- A bit? - You raise your eyebrow.

\- Okay, maybe not just a bit…

\- Definitely not.

\- Uhhh… Fine, I guess I’m really terrible at times… - he sighs, rolling his eyes.

\- Glad you admit that, - you chuckle.

\- …But still gorgeous!

\- Zaphod, what exactly are you trying to say?

-  Oh. I’m just… I’m trying to say that actually I’m really glad that you’re still here with me… Even when I’m clearly driving you mad, - he lets out a little laughter and smiles at you in his usual manner, yet a little bit guiltily.

You wonder why are you really still here, with this weirdo who’s being such a narcissistic asshole most of the time… The truth is - there are at least two reasons. One: with him you never get bored. And two: there are moments when he’s not playing to the crowd, not showing off. There are moments when there’s just you and him, and he looks at you like that, and… that’s it.

\- And by the way… do you know that you’re gorgeous too, babe?.. - he hushes with a smirk, leaning in and stroking your cheek with his fingertips.

\- Oh, really? Wow. Good to know that you can appreciate someone except yourself, - even though you’re not mad at him anymore you just can’t help but being sarcastic. Zaphod frowns.

\- I really do, - he says suddenly quite seriously.

\- I know that, Zaphod. Just teasing you, - you smile now softly and he responds you with a wide grin, before…

 _\- Oh blah blah blah… hey, will you stop talking and kiss her already?? -_ says Zaphod’s second head, looking pretty much annoyed.

\- Ughhh shut up! Sorry… - Zaphod laughs awkwardly.

\- Um… He’s actually right, - you say, pulling him closer to your lips.

The fireworks keep flashing behind your window.


End file.
